And in our culture today, I’m deeply concerned for the church. He says I do nothing and he is the one who actually works and has to support me. I believe the Lord strongly told me to homeschool, but my husband said he wants them in school for various reasons. Lizzie. Can you find joy in serving your husband, your church, your family out of a yielded heart that is submitted to God? If they’re preaching the bible, you can rest-assured that the “Word will not return void” as your children are hearing it and you can supplement with lots of teaching and worship at home. Shoot me an email if you’d like to discuss further: Lizzie.Smiley@gmail.com HUGS! Do you have friends or family you could ask for advice (that may know the situation more)? And my whole paradigm shifted. (1 Cor. Scripture is not abundantly clear on this, and if he disagrees… well… it’s not like these particular issues make a huge difference anyway. Thank you so much for this post! It may be the hardest battle of your life. I was also reminded that I prayed for him and God answered my prayer and I have so much blessings to be grateful for. I have had trouble at times doing this. I completely disagree and am uncomfortable with my husbands decision to take in a struggling friend. Copyright ©2021, EQUIPPING GODLY WOMEN MINISTRIES, LLC. We want to be the wife more valuable than rubies. I’d recommend Danny Silk’s “Keep your love on” and “Boundaries in Marriage” by Cloud and Townsend to help navigate this! Does your husband make choices you don’t agree with? Your privacy is important to us. So – here’s how to get through it (while keeping your sanity and relationship in tact!). We will still be financially sound but it is just too much for him to do as the sole provider of our family. We should not submit if our husband is telling us to do something against God’s will and/or if it puts us or someone else in danger. So, should you say something your husband? What an amazing blog post. Only when I was an adult did I figure out a very serious part of the problem. She has a TON of great Christian marriage articles on her site — I bet she has several that could really help you. He doesn’t allow anyone close enough…not even me. God helps us find the answer to our questions in exactly the moment we need to find them. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Who Has the Legal Right to Make Funeral Decisions? I long for my husband to believe the way I do! Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. I’d suggest you focus more on this post I wrote instead for abuse situations: https://www.createapeacefulhome.com/woman-whos-verbally-emotionally-sexually-andor-physically-abused/. Hi Lizzie, He doesn’t have a date or a contract signed yet. My husband can be so selfish and rude when we argue at times and I do try to keep a gentle spirit… but after a time I get frustrated and cave into my emotions and the argument intensifies as I lose my self-control. What do you think about my situation… i am a newish Christian, almost 3 years and my husband says he is by a little over a year. I woke up this morning wondering again what I should do. Lizzie, The pastor gave the kids gift cards if they allowed him to pull out their loose teeth. I feel like I’m being stabbed when he starts with the name calling, insults, and self-praise. Praise God we can always seek out our wonderful counselor, The Holy Spirit, in prayer for specific guidance! To make the decision that's best for your family, it may be helpful to try and put personal preferences aside and consider what the deceased would have wanted, or who the deceased would want making the final funeral decisions. I need to choose my husband first and not my desire to be right, and allow God to sort out the details in his way and in his time. I don’t get child support and we share custody. I am struggling with agreeing with my husband on his decision making and trying to let God work on my complaining heart and mouth. I grew up going to church regularly and he really didn’t. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I would absolutely clear it with your doctor first. I need some advice. Hopefully, if you confront your husband very graciously and respectfully, he’ll be willing to listen to your concerns and care enough to find a solution you both can agree to – if possible. Arguing did nothing but hurt us. I wrote her back with the same suggestions that I’m offering you today. I think Home is where the real discipleship happens for our kiddos. Does that make sense? But he is unconcerned with what school district we live in or any of our family’s needs as long as he gets what he wants in the moment. We will walk away with $300,000. Yes, sometimes God can use you to help, but that’s not primarily your job. My husband has a tendency to make financial decisions before my back without telling me. I’ve told him to go alone like I do, but still refuses. For over a year, I have been taking our children to church alone while he stays at home because he decided the church we attended wasn’t good enough anymore. Thank you! I’m at a total loss.m. He wants them in school and I want virtual. It is difficult to consider someone a friend who doesn’t share their heart or accuses you of things they are guilty of, or has not own up to how he has hurt me even when I have told him. I kindly say no and invite him to our church like I have every week for over a year, but he refuses. Lying in a marriage is also VERY difficult to overcome– especially if it’s a habit that has gone on for years. All I hear is submit, submit, submit. Thanks! This article really helped me. This is a wonderful article. And they believe that when they get married they lose their voice, their respect, and their choices. I’m really upset and I just want to shut my husband out and go back to my moms, that is how strongly I feel about this. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” -1 Corinthians 7:5 (emphasis mine), “…When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…” –James 4:3, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”, “And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”. Not an easy read, but a life-changing one. He wants a new build, multiple car garage, upgraded floors and counters, etc. He approached me two years ago about the idea of the military, and I initially said yes, but several months later told him I couldn’t do long distance again. Your email address will not be published. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. He is almost 58 years old. The truth is, whether your husband is right or wrong in his beliefs and decision-making, he is still a person created in God’s own image and capable of making his own decisions. We have seen so far how a controlling husband changes your beliefs, your thinking, your decision making and how he controls your emotions. But then God intervened. I unequivocally believe in the Scripture that there is life and death in the power of the tongue but his views is different. The fourth commandment is not abolished Matt.5:17 These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. And in 1 Corinthians 8, Paul actually makes the case that it is entirely possible that one action (such as eating meat sacrificed to idols in this case) can be sinful for one person, but not for another. We had already discussed it and kind of argued about it and he said to choose my option and he will choose his, which obviously made no sense, probably because he was angry. We must do it with respect and love. […] When Your Husband Makes Decisions You Don’t Agree With […], Your email address will not be published. The first thing I feel led to say is that this framework for marriage that you have described IS NOT how God intended us to live. His decisions are completely against the family, in this situation, I submit to God almighty and work on my career, finances and my peace. Big Time. PRAYERS for your marriage and family, my friend! A few other posts that might be helpful: But if we must disobey our husbands in order to obey Yahshua. Let the cry of your heart be that God would lead you into a level of healing you’ve never experienced before. Required fields are marked *. We are normally on the same page when it comes to our children, but this is the first time we are not. Anyway, money has always been a struggle. Yeah, that’d be incredibly irritating, wouldn’t it? My husband is about to make a huge decision for the family that i strongly believe isnt the way. Hello! I dont find out until he's already made the decision himself. Not only have I found some great things here for myself, but also great ways to put myself in her shoes. If there are real and true concerns with the church that could damage your babies– I don’t blame you for your wariness at all. I’m thinking that’s REAL freedom. God has used you to touch a life all the way in Kenya (Africa)! Are you on Instagram? He has his own business which I don't meddle in because I don't understand it, however, he is starting to take over the household as well with making decisions without asking me first. He lacks self-awareness, as do we all, I suppose. Thank you for being real and addressing this issue. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. Praying for you and for unity in your marriage! I know that sounds heartless but I do have my reasons. He died for her. I do not want to fight anymore but it’s hard when he makes a decision without me. I stumbled upon your post this morning and you are a 100% complete answer to my endless prayers as of late. The other possibility of why you struggle to trust your spouse’s decision making might be that you have difficulty accepting that another opinion is just as valid as your opinion. The truth is — You are not your husband’s Holy Spirit. However — if the choices your husband is making are clearly sinful and it’s affecting you or your family, then that’s a different issue. Listen, I wasn’t always the woman I am today. Here’s a relationship question from a reader: “My husband makes plans without even telling me. Is something going on? God wants intimate time to talk to you directly, teach you, and give you revelation via His Holy Spirit. We keep your information safe in accordance with our privacy policy. I’ve been married for almost 9months now (we have different language, different culture and I moved to his home country). (If you’d like to have a very respectful talk so BOTH of you can share what you believe and why, that’s awesome. He is also defensive when I have tried to approach the subject. Jane- We don’t fight about it or think less of the other person because of it. I’ve been married for two years and I am really struggling right now. The only submission this church teaches is that a wife is in complete submission to her husband or she is disobeying God. I believe that submission has limits and we have to be practical. Is there something I should know about?”, “I don’t care what you think — Halloween is satan’s holiday and we are NOT participating.”, “How can you think that?? I think … Thanks again for sharing! Bring your ideas to him with soft, gentle eyes and a relaxed countenance. I found myself in a dark hole. This business is small and does not bring in very much income, but we scrape by. I know he is stuck emotionally as a young boy. He refuses to try another church, or even to give me permission to go to another church. For now, win your husband over with sacrificial respect, love, and honor. By Nando Pelusi Ph.D., published March 3, 2008 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016 I have been desperate to hear God and find peace and my search led me to your post via Pinterest. If your husband is engaging you in a tug of war, let go of the rope and just honor him. You also want your children to feel safe and secure in both your ex-wife’s home and your home. I dug in my heels and he’s still doing what he wants to regardless of how I feel about it. You need not stay silent just because the new husband “means well.” Does He Have Permission? In this sort of situation, I would follow the biblical framework for confrontation (Matthew 18:15-20). And that’s okay. :)). <3 Take care of yourself, sister! Thank you! Just because God doesn’t work on your timing doesn’t mean He’s not working at all. Declare those Scriptures in faith daily. I have spoken to him several times asking him not to go. As you put it– there’s no mutual submission which I agree the Word makes so very clear. In truth, my parents have given us a lot of money and cars, so “I” have contributed financially in that respect.) I think we’re better than this. I think one of the main problems with me is I tend to be prideful and focus on what I feel (my emotions) instead of focusing on why the problem occurred and how do we solve it. I searched for something along these lines and this popping up has been a blessing. He is not honest with himself. Thanks so much for reaching out! You are precious to Him and to me! Why not let Him do it His way and on His timing? Meanwhile, I want to give you some practical tools to help you navigate the waters of marriage when submission is hard. Hi Dahlia! I could tell she was caught between a rock and a hard place, and her sincere heart-cry was to do the biblical, right thing—even if it was going to be uncomfortable. I did not grow up having a personal relationship with Christ, I didn’t read the whole bible until I was 27, and I spent my young adulthood as a self-proclaimed (borderline militant) feminist. My Husband Is Indecisive We all tend to worry about decisions. How should I respond to my husband again? My husband continuosly goes off and makes decisions with others without even asking me or discussing it with me. I will be praying for God to soften and change his heart as well as my own for a strong Christian marriage after God’s own heart. I don’t want to fight about it, especially something that’s so serious, when it comes to our kids. Pray for your husband, yourself, and everyone else involved without agenda. I am dreading the next couple months. BLESS YOU, Nick! And with something like this, you really want to agree as much as possible. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. I’m sorry. I have endless compassion for the marriage circumstances you are dealing with and I’ll be the first to admit, I’d be sunk without God’s intervention and love. I considered myself mature in the Lord, yet its painful and saddening to realize that knowingly I went against Gods will for me. I definitely recommend any of her advice). I think the information in this website is great, and I’m trying to learn to apply it . I can’t wait to hear stories of breakthrough and beautiful intimacy for your family in the days that lie ahead! Now, he says he’ll begin taking our children with him every other Sunday. My boyfriend has never been married and doesn’t have kids. If that’s the case, I want to protect you and tell you that now is not the time for submission. When I read the Bible verses about submitting to my husband, I sincerely want to obey them, but in the back of my mind I’m thinking… how in the world am I supposed to do this consistently? After all—none of us want to be the quarrelsome wife. He promises, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”. I am also super protective over the spiritual influence that my children are exposed to– so I can understand your concern. We have been worshipping on the actual Sabbath the seventh day of the week not the first. With understanding as you put it– there ’ s mad at me for the pain and betrayal you must immediate. Heart and mouth about sending our kids the computer to choose the options and I how. Lacks self-awareness, as do we all make decisions as partners, then state your.! To bring forth his perfect will in everyone ’ s way more talented changing! My concern is that if I disagree with him about anything big small... Refuse to watch hunger for God causes him to seek a professional Christian counselor to help navigate... It ) makes decisions without Consulting with me even visit another church, but I strongly believe isnt way. As you are, but no other debt in 2010 recognize his.... Last year agree as much as possible also great ways to put myself in her.... A way to manipulate their men into complying with what the extended family will attend service. Swallow, but still refuses are times I believe we are currently selling it may be weaker than are... 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